I finally broke down a little this weekend.
It turns out, three jobs (down from four last month), was just too much for me. I’m a bartender/server, I had a home based wash and fold laundry business, and I also help with social media at the aerial studio I take classes at and perform with.
It was non-stop. My apartment has been lost to me under a pile of strangers’ dirty clothes, lint, and various laundry detergents. I spend several nights a week serving beer. While I’m there I plan out Instagram posts for aerial classes and performances. Then I go to bed late trying to finish getting a stain out of a toddler t-shirt.
And I knew it was coming. I’ve been saying for a few weeks I wouldn’t be able to keep this pace up. But instead of acting on it, I kept going, convinced at some point I’d slow down.
But I didn’t. I crashed and burned a little instead. The lovely man I’m seeing came over and talked me down as I cried. I considered becoming a housewife. I, not for the first or last time, considered getting an RV and just running away from civilization.
And then I breathed for a couple of days, and decided to take my life back. The whole reason I work multiple jobs is because I want the freedom to walk away from a situation that isn’t working. I want that freedom. But I overdid it, and instead of freedom, I’d boxed myself into a corner. I couldn’t hang out with friends, or see my family. I started ordering food instead of cooking just because I was tired. I was falling asleep on my couch with the lights and tv on instead of in my comfy bed.
So I put in my notice to the laundry company. And I’m considering cutting back at the bar.
And I’m restarting this blog. But this time, as the dreaded “lifestyle blog”. Because when I started it the first time I also got caught up in the rules of niching down, sell-sell-sell, hyper focused world that personal sites had become.
And really, I want a place where I can share the little things that make me feel like I’m taking part in my own life, instead of just running. Makeup, knitting, sewing, cooking, my dog Lucy, whatever. I don’t entirely know what this will look like just yet. But it feels like it could go back to being a fun adventure rather than another rigid place to focus on money over joy.
Nicky